Working Title

Freedom to Be...

Are they still running the "Free to Be" ads on the CW? I admit to loving the network and being a complete GG addict.

I kept thinking about the ads and about a comment made by pastor Don on July 4th. He was talking about how freedom has tremendous responsibilty.

I have an intern this summer. She is fun to have around the office. Quiet and shy, but she warms up to you, she won't shut up.

Her presence has made me think a lot about when I was 18. I couldn't wait to leave home, but when I did... I was really scared. What I wanted was freedom without responsibility. And, in college, I kind of got that...but I also learned that the ability to do something - doesn't always make it the best or even safest choice.

Today, the intern had a fight with the 'rents....which also got me to thinking.

Sometimes, we want so much to do things our way. Sometimes, we need to do it on our own and fail. And, sometimes parents hold on too tight. The worst part of the whole thing is that we use words. We say things we don't mean, we don't say things that we should, we create distance with and without words. It broke my heart to see her struggling, to see her hurt. It made me think about some of the struggles in my family and genuinely how minor and petty they are. We have a great life and great family. Could we all work on ourselves and the way we interact with one another - oh yeah! But it is still really, REALLY good.

It makes me worry that I am not strong enough to stand up for myself or others... As if, maybe I don't really have a clue about the struggles of family and relationships.

Having the intern this summer has made me do a lot of reflection. I need to just be careful not to linger there. I thnk a lot about the fact that if I knew what I know now, what would I do differently at 18? Any thoughts?

P.S. Your blog is growing cobwebs

In the last few days, I have been lovingly reminded that I have not been posting. So, what HAVE I been up to?

1. House hunting - I cannot begin to express the stress and drama on this one.

2. Apartment Hunting with Keegan -  That's right. He is starting on a new path. I am super proud of him.

3. My sister - who is T-minus 11 to Baby Brinley's arrival. PS. If you have any tips for starting labor, she would love to hear them.

4. Family  - whether we are working on someone's house, looking for one for me, or having drama with one another, we've been "involved" with each other a lot lately.

5. Choir  - I love my church and I love choir. I am also glad that we are on Summer Break from rehearsal for the next few weeks. We went out with a bang last Sunday with the folks at Rhema Christian Center. Six hours from start to finish. It was long, but what a blessing.

6. School  - This has been a never -ending saga for the past six months. But, the Lord has a way of teaching you courage and giving you guidance all at the same time. Law school lost my paperwork, responded very unprofessionally and wasted my entire summer waiting. Counseling kept courting. So, I took my spot back in the counseling program at the University of Dayton. Whew...here comes more school debt. But, I am trusting the Lord that His calling will allow me to stay under His protection through the whole process. I am taking my foot out of the good box and at minimum sticking it in the better box.

Law school? Maybe some day in the future. It appears that counseling has to come first.

7. Catching up - I have been touching base with friends and folks I haven't talked to in a while. It always seems like big changes are preceded by a look back. This time around, it is less painful than usual. I know that the Lord continues to change my perspective from regret to acceptance. I am thankful for all the areas where He is healing.

I AM GOING TO DO A BETTER JOB OF POSTING... I PROMISE... NO MORE COBWEBS...

T-minus 7

It has already been an interesting first half of 2008. I am excited to seee what the second half brings. We are celebrating 4th of july this week. MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY OF THE YEAR. And I realized, I have seven months from today until I turn 30. It is a tremendous time of reflection, evaluation and working as fast as I can to move in a new direction.

Angela and I are on a training scheduiule for the next two months to work on the half marathon. I am really excited and I think it will be a great step toward hitting my fitness goal for 30.

Pastor Matt and Stacey are home on a working vacation. He stopped by briefly yesterday to say hi and see how things are going. Bless his heart he was so tired. It was so nice to see him yesteraday. He and Stace are such a blessing to me. I don't think that they even realize.

I cried again after he left. When I was talking to Angela about it during training, it suddenly hit me that I am doing a sort of mourning when that happens. And, that I need to let go of the hurt and disappointment from my missed moment. I have to forgive, let go and move on... Why is that always so hard?

Christina has us all in a holding pattern for the holiday. Brinley should be here by the weekend. I am absolutely ready for her to get here. It has been dramatic for everyone.

The secong half of the year belongs to me. I have decided that I need and deserve a year or so where it is about me. I feel like these changes are all about others. And, none of it is bad, but maybe I deserve some great life changing moments.

I've got seven months...