Working Title

And the Beat Goes On....

My parents, the hippies that they were/are, taught us some unique things growing up. For one, I feel comfort from Peter, Paul and Mary tunes and Bread Greatest Hits album. Two, I genuinely enjoy giving things away. Three - nothing suites me like cramming friends into a small apartment and feeding them. And, four... music seems to say more about the situation than talking does.

This morning, I woke up singing Our God Reigns and by the time I made it down the hall to the shower, I was singing Sonny and Cher. Don't judge me!

Housing is drama for me. I have no idea WHY, but it is. I have four requirements: Safe, Calm, Quiet, Clean. Not that difficult - or so I thought.

Last Friday, I was waiting to hear back on condo #1. No news. And, in some ways that is news. So, KJ and I hit around what to do. I took off for the weekend because I had to get physical labor to match my emotional exhaustion.

A scratched up hand, loads of dirt and two days later.. I felt better. I needed that approach for this week.

Monday night, one thing leads to another and everyone is over to my wreck of an apartment to have chicken chili and hang out. I think it was a God thing. Carrie had a rare night off and she and KJ were able to meet. This is a good thing right. I am totally excited because the girls both want to move in. This means that we are going to look at casa #2 this evening for the final kudo moment.

I also love that God is working on my fear. 1. Jace lives three doors down from casa #2, so if there is a crisis which requires a dude - he can help. 2. I am being confronted with the need to stand up for myself in work and professional areas. This means that I am continuing to get a thicker skin and work on my own confidence. 3. I am working on obedience. I am convinced that lack of obedience to God is a lack of trust/presence of fear.

Bethany H pointed out in her blog the other day that Dirt = misplaced matter. I feel like I have literal and figurative "misplaced matter". And the thing is that God is the only one who can clean it up. Ben A. pointed out that sometimes we are so overeducated that we are beyond obedience. I feel like I know a lot about God and religion, but I do live God and religion 24-7.

So, as the beat goes on... I become more accountable, more responsible, realize and exercise that courage (thanks dad!), and eventually on the other side of an authentic growth period - I will be stronger and more of the person that I should be. I just have to relax and go with the flow. Maybe hippes did have the right idea.

No Comments, Just Email

I have to say, I get the nicest email sometimes.

I think people read the blog and take a sort of pity or compassion on me.

Either way, they say the sweetest things.

So, if you sent email this week... (Cough, Ainsley, katie, and you know who), I just wanted to say thanks for making my week.

Have a great weekend. I will keep you posted on things. Drop me a line or a txt. I love hearing from ya!

Hot Off the TXT

Today's discussion - STRESS! And healthy ways to lighten the mood....

PS. My life is really great, because I am blessed with great friends. 

Angela O. You should turn on NBC. Half naked men diving into water.

I love that she is trying to cheer me up... but seriously.. does that count as a dirty txt?

Keegan : I need dad's email
Me: At work?
Keegan: Yep
Me: Why
Keegan: BC

Cryptic and weird, but whatever....
Keegan: Thanks
Me: PS I was looking for some ice cream when I came home, but you ate
it all. Please fix this problem on your way home...
Keegan:
I realized this morning that he didn't come home. He was hanging out with his BF last night...

Either way, I still want my ice cream.

Angela O.: My Nerves are fried
Me: Why
Angela: Hubby takes his boards in the morning
Me: Wish him good luck

Katie Jane: Hey, just checking in with you, seeing how things are today. 

Wasn't sure if u were at work today or not, so sent email to your 

home addres. Catch you later!

Carrie: I am famous now thanks to your blog. Everyone is inquiring       

about the great oracle.

Me: Who? I only have 4 readers.

Carrie: all the thousands.... the 4 represents 4 thousand. 

they just leave off the zeros. EVERYONE KNOWS. 

Me: Geewiz. I had no idea anyone was reading! Seriously, 

how is the oracle...I could use some positive news this afternoon.

Carrie:Why? Tell us your problems? what's up?

Me: I am waiting to hear about the house. Dealing with school, moving

other drama. I need a day at the spa.

Carrie: Ah man, I'm sorry Well didn't you say that you were giving 

them until Friday and if they didn't, that was your sign that you weren't supposed to have it.

Me: Yeah. They have until 51

Carrie: 51?

Me: There should have been a period after the 5. 

Carrie: Well take it as a good thing. You were trusting God and now 

maybe He's testing you or is giving you His answer about the house.

Me: This ture. I am in a growth period.

Carrie: Hmm. Me too. Come to think of it. I spend most of my time there.

Me: Tru Dat. I am learning a lot about being brave and having courage. 

I don't feel like I have a lot of experience doing either.

Carrie: Welcome to the edge

Me: Why am I hearing the theme song to Top Gun in the background?

Carrie: Or Chariot's of Fire. lol

ME:Da da da da da duh

da da da da dum

Carrie: that's the oracle for you. doesn't give much advice, but does lighten

the mood.

Me: PS you make me laugh.

Carrie: Nice, you made me laugh in your blog.. so we all get a boost.

Me: Look for this to make hot off the txt. Hey I think the blog comes across as a little gooberish.

Carrie: no, not at all why

Me: I sometimes think I am just one big pile of hot mess goobernerd.

Carrie: everyone sounds gooberish in a blog....that sounds like a country song.

Me: You kill me

Carrie: So, I jsut saw this commercial and since it is on tv, it must be

true...go eat soyjoy and apparently your whole outlook changes. It make you 

want to jump rope and smile.

Me: Wow! Who knew my world could be made perfect by soy.

Carrie: I'm just saying the cartoon girl on the commercial looked pretty happy.

Me: Thanks for the laughs, but don't you have to go to work?

I have great friends!

The Ringer

It's been a stressful week for the urban family, and something tells me it isn't over yet.

Last week, we welcomed Baby Brinley, fought off weird summer colds and wrote on a house.

This week, I am starting to rebound from the cold, but now Brody has it. Keegan is going to traffic court -again. Anthony is taking his board exams today...we are praying for you. Ang and Jon are trying to get the contractor out of their house. He is redoing and redoing the staircase in the middle of their 1912 two-story. I am still waiting to hear back from the bank on the house. Today is D-day. But there is always a plan B.

The 'rents haev been in and out of town all week. I am headed out of town to help with a chimney issue this evening. I am not sure what I know about chimneys, but hey - we will see.

Work has been over the top and below the belt, but what else is new.

School... starts... in 6 days!

I am a little nervous. It's been awhile.

Keegan moves out in exactly two weeks. So, due to packing, etc. EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE IS A WRECK.

I move in 4 weeks.. and I am going to Cincy for a retreat the weekend after I move out.

I think it is safe to say that there is A LOT going on.

But, I know who is in control of all of it.

And I trust Him a lot.

It is an emotional ringer... I know that because I found myself singing myself to sleep last night. I kept singing, "Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep little baby.

Stress singing...

Pray for me...

READING AND WRITING ARE A WASTE OF TIME.....

I have this sick theory that if I save enough articles or fail to read enough email, that somehow it will magically jump in my head or disappear from my inbox.

Since neither are true, I have 153 articles, mostly psychology, and 585 emails to read.

Then, I am trying to maintain a one-day post on the blog. Maybe I am killing myself off unnecessarily since I think there are maybe three or four people reading.

Today, I am going to choose to lie to myself and say that it is okay that I have so much to read and write. My problem is that I need a vacation. If I just got one of those, everything will be alright... right?

MINISTRYSOFABULOUS

I have a new super-hero. Her name is Beth Ann and she runs www.ministrysofabulous.com

I collect quotes, and admire bloggers who add in the truth of their humanity to each post. When I read her posts and about the ministry she is running, I marvel. I am 29 and feel like I am learning from a younger chica. WHAT A GIFT.

Here are a few of the gems I have kyped from her site:

“I cannot find either in scripture or in history, a strong-willed individual whom God used greatly until He allowed them to be hurt deeply.” - Charles Swindoll



“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of disclipine or the pain of regret. The difference is disclipine weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.” - Jim Rohn



“I had spent my whole adult life studying just the right things and doing just the right things to be qualified and ready. I was God’s workmanship long before I knew what the good work was that He was preparing in advance for me. But when I got there and started doing it, it was entirely obvious that that was the plan. I believe that God has a plan for everyone and that He is shaping you and giving you the exact experiences and information you will need to do His perfect will. I also believe that you will know it when you see it, and that when you accept it, you’ll never look back with regret.” - Carolyn Dirksen, Vice President for Academic Affairs at Lee University (my alma mater) 

Why Blogs are Sweet

I love going to conferences when I get a chance to go. I think it combines two things I LOVE - travel and learning.

This past week was the Leadership Summit at Willowcreek. Eventhough I was not able to make it, everyone in kingdom come who WAS there... blogged it. Here is a sampling of some of the AWESOME messages that were being shared:

Kem Meyer posted this gem -

Kem Meyer on Less Clutter and Noise

Ten take-aways from the Leadership Summit Posted: 08 Aug 2008 03:43 PM CDT I know it seems impossible to break two power-packed days into a top ten list; but it's not. I can't chew on everything that was presented. It's too heavy to carry. Too much to implement. So here's the ten take-aways I'm going to take-on; I can do this. Gary Haugen Leadership doesn't matter as much in things cheerful, safe, and easy... it's critical in things that are scary, dangerous and hard. Jesus did not come to make us safe, He can to make us brave. If I'm playing football and no one is hitting me--I may need to check to make sure I'm in the game. God, please rescue me from all things petty. Follow my compass not my clock. Bill George We have knowledge workers--people smarter than the leaders of the company--give them the opportunity to lead. John Burke Our job is not to fix, grow, or change people- only to work on the soil/environments we create. Craig Groeschel Better ministry is better, not more ministry. In order to reach people no one is reaching, do things no one is doing. God break my heart. Chuck Colson Your job is not to pander to your people, it's to lead them. Catherine Rohr Simple prayer: Bring it on, God. God has better plans for me than I do; I just need to chill out and give up control. Great job, WCA. This faculty was world-class. And, I didn't miss the 3rd day. You cut out the right stuff and left the right stuff. Your hard work has paid off and impacted thousands.

I PULLED THIS OFF A LINK ON MARK WALZ' SITE -

"True humility*the basis of the Christian system*is the low but deep and firm foundation of all virtues."

Edmund Burke
Bill Hybels (Session 1)

There are 4 types of people in our churches: (1) those exploring the faith, (2) those beginning in the faith, (3) those growing in the faith and (4) those whose lives are Christ centered.

The biggest gap is between those who are growing the faith and those who are Christ centered. Why? Because those who are Christ centered "no longer count their lives dear unto themselves and those who are simply growing still want God to bless their program. I've always felt that but never had the words to articulate it until today.

Gary Haugen (Session 2)

"If you want to lead in things that matter, lead in the things that matter to God."

"Many of us are on the journey with Jesus, but we're missing the adventure."

Bill George & Wendy Kopp (Session 3)

"Leadership is responsibility."

"Leadership is not about power over people, it's about empowering people."

"Every leader who fails personally doesn't fail in leading other people, they fail in leading themselves."

"Sacrifice adds value to someone's life."

John Burke and Efrem Smith (Session 4)

"Our job is to cultivate an environment where people can grow."

"What are the barriers to grace in your context?"

Are you willing to get your hands dirty?"

Speaking of Mark... He literally has study guides, goo dinformation on his blog at www.markwalz.typepad.com

Hot off the TXT

Let me admit something upfront, I like the idea of Twitter, but I know that I would never be able to put my cell down if I started using it.

Today's conversations on the TXT are thematic...

Babies, Marriage and Houses.

The day started out with a ghost phone call from Carrie. She had me worried, so I called back and left a message. She sent back a text explaining that her new workout was going so well that her butt had called me, not her. This lead to other discussions, which I will spare you.

Angela O hits me this morning with a wild question about colors for the study. I guess she will be painting in the next few weeks. I think this is a rough way to procrastinate the math studies, but whatever suites you mamma.

Later in the day, I got honest about some internal drama from the weekend. You know, the whole... I am still single and my sister is on baby #2.

This afternoon the discussion has turned to marriage. I am pretty sure from her comments that Carrie considers the desire to buy curtains while having coffee with a guy a key ongredient for a second date.

I have had a massive dry spell and I am starting to wonder if I give off "the" vibe. You know...single girl and happy with my cats vibe?

Everything in the World and Nothing at All

This was all I could muster uin response when GF Carrie calls on Friday to see which way my world was tilted.

A LOT has been going on recently. But I believe that each has an important role and a powerful message.

1. SCHOOL. I have re-registered, secured financial aid and a teeny grant all in 5 days, and at a campus  and hour away.

- Message: When it's right, everything clicks.

2. CHURCH - I haven't been well enough to go to church the last two weeks. It is like my immune system shuts down over the weekend. This week it was a migraine. I could hardly move.

-Message: Asking people to pray for my health is not selfish. Especially when spiritual attack normally comes in this form.

3. BABY BRINLEY- At 11.4 and 23 inches, her arrival on Friday morning could have been a small medical miracle. She came out with 0 health issue, all the right numbers of fingers and toes. She looks like her mom and I, hopefully she has her mom's coloring and not mine. She slept for 5 hours her second night. I got a little emotional thinking about how much I want to have a baby, and how some of my life decisions could have me in a totally different spot than I am right now. Do you see the downward spiral?

- Message: The ability to hold two opposing and extreme emotions at the same time is an amazing ability of the human spirit. Surrendering to one of the emotions is necessary, otherwise you go nuts. PS The right emotion to surrender to is the one that encourages positive thought.

4. LE HOUSE - I wrote a contract on a condo on Friday. Stressful? Yes. Especially since I feel a tremendous pressure to do it perfectly the first time. There are a few minor details that I am working to correct today. I got emional when my mom was reviewing the contract, because I feel like her approval of the contract is symbolic of her approval of me. (That's a pandora's box of psychological poop).

-Message: 1. Continue to work on not taking things so personally. If you mess something up, learn from it. Yeah! I stuck my neck out. Don't be afraid to confront something until it is fixed the way that you want it fixed. Don't be too attached that it is impossible to walk away or view the situation with some reason. My work is not my identity. It is a reflection of my experience or knowldege and the gaps that may exist. I need to put on my big girl panties and learn from it. And, if something is meant to be - it will be.

5. MESSAGES FROM THE BACK STOOP - Went to a BBQ to celebrate Allison's b-day. It is an ambigous number since she lies about her age ALL the time. It was awesome to spend some time with that whole gang. Several of us used to teach together. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. One of the things that really struck me was Trisha. She is a hard-core feminist, who normally gets her way about everything. It's been nearly 18-months since I have seen her. She has A. gotten married and B.had a baby. I was so struck at how different her life and her approach is. A lot can happen very quickly to change someone's life.

-Message: It's okay to be on your own schedule. Amy reminded me that I am accepted and loved regardless of where I live or how much money I make. Angela and Bill reminded me that marriage and kids do not mean being trapped or having a lack of fun, they just mean an earlier bed time.

6. NERDING IT UP AT OLIVE GARDEN - So, Keegan got a ticket for speeding - again. He also is in a very intellectual/emotional mode. Sunday night, the parents stopped by and took us all to dinner. It was super sweet of them. I really appreciated it. Keegan and mom got into a "discussion" during dinner about the ticket, bad cops, citizens rights, la la la. I simply pointed out that A. He gets emotional when he argues if he thinks you are questioning his intelligence. B. He uses irrational metaphors and cyclical logic when arguing a point.

-Message: Being Irish is not a real excuse for a lack of logical thought. Obviously, the whole family needs to work on a thicker skin. And, learning how you communicate is a huge step into communicating on a adult level. Watching K go through that process is almost as painful as going through it myself.

When IT hits the fan...

(be aware that I am taking some medication for my cold/bronchitis)

I have been sick on and off for the last three weeks. BF Jen pointed out that I get this way when I am "out of balance". I have, of course, been working while attempting to recover. Today, I have no voice and break out in spontaneous coughing fits that make me nearly pee myself. Needless to say, I am just having LOADS of fun.

My siutation makes me whine and makes me more sensitive to the regular irritations that I ALWAYS have at work. For example, the office girls took my intern out to the country club for lunch today. Mostly, because tomorrow is her last day with us. Interesting that I wasn't asked until about an hour before if I wanted to go. I declined, I don't want to take away from their glow. It's okay... even if it childish.

I share an office with "Leroy", who seems to pounce on the fact that I have not been feeling well this week. He is constantly asking if I am feeling better and telling me that alcohol is the only way to cure what ails me. I am normally fairly tolerant of him, but I just don't have the will power this week. When I don't feel well, I feel like people literally SUCK what little life I have - out of me.

I did manage to see Angela O for lunch today. I ate ice cream and somewhere between the cool ice cream and listening to her tell me about the crazy Berwick ladies, I felt better. Thanks mamma!

While talking to my mom this morning, I shared with her my fall schedule for classes.

YES - I am back in the counseling program.

And I am buying a house.

Which means I am moving.

When I got done sharing all of this, my mom said, "What else are you doing?" I told her it was the perfect time to get involved in a serious relationship. I seem to thrive on doing major things in threes.

On a positive, my niece Brinley will be arriving via c-section on Friday morning. I think I speak for the whole family when I say - it's about time.