Working Title

Why Facebook is Ruining My Life

I think I am on overload.

You know that something is very wrong when your mother posts the following on your facebook page:

"Update your wall honey. It's been awhile. Love you!"

I will turn 30 on Tuesday. 3-0

Facebook is both wonderful and dreadful. Wonderful, because it has allowed me to reconnect with people from high school and college that I haven't seen in years. Dreadful, because now everyone knows everything about every second of every day.

Call me paranoid, but I like a certain amount of personal space.

I have never been good with sharing either. I think it's because it requires me to be boundary less and I really struggle with "the full reveal".

I also wonder how it violates the ability to have healthy spaces to work things out. If something is stressing me in my personal life, should I worry that conversation in confidence will show up online? Have I violated others trust this same way? It's a thin line I think...

But, hey maybe facebook will let me friend a therapist...

I am sure that will make it ALL better.

Beware: This Might Require The Big Girl Panties

My wonderful baby brother stopped by to see me for lunch today. He will be 22 this year, but I guess he will never stop being my younger brother.

He kept asking me what's going on, and honestly I don't have a lot to say about the moment, but I definitely have a few things up my sleeve.

I could attempt to dissect the last six months of my life, my whole life, or anything in the past. But, I honestly think that is a waste of time.

The only thing I am concerned with is where I am heading.

Right now, I am determined to get what I want out of life and work and people. I might just be itchin' for a fight. If you know what I mean!

Either way, it never ceases to amaze me that there is still something more challenging for me to do. There is always another level to achieve. Another place to refine. It can be difficult at times, but I am convinced that the outcome will be worth it.

Making my plans

Working my plans

Wearing my "big girl" panties.

Beware: This Might Require The Big Girl Panties

My wonderful baby brother stopped by to see me for lunch today. He will be 22 this year, but I guess he will never stop being my younger brother.

He kept asking me what's going on, and honestly I don't have a lot to say about the moment, but I definitely have a few things up my sleeve.

I could attempt to dissect the last six months of my life, my whole life, or anything in the past. But, I honestly think that is a waste of time.

The only thing I am concerned with is where I am heading.

Right now, I am determined to get what I want out of life and work and people. I might just be itchin' for a fight. If you know what I mean!

Either way, it never ceases to amaze me that there is still something more challenging for me to do. There is always another level to achieve. Another place to refine. It can be difficult at times, but I am convinced that the outcome will be worth it.

Making my plans

Working my plans

Wearing my "big girl" panties.

Persuit of the Perjurative

The Wooden Spoon

My friend AB is learning to cook. A brave new world for the people testing out her products.

I am lucky, I have a mom who is a home ec teacher and a closet chef.

She can cook anything - for an army.

I suggested to AB that in her new quest for domesticity, that she look at picking up a copy the Wooden Spoon Cookbook. I think that this is one of the best cookbooks out there. I say this, because it uses basic ingredients and walks you through making anything, from rools to Thanksgiving dinner, from scratch.

I hope that AB is up for lots of practice. Girl burnt spaghetti. She had also never had chili and doesn't own a crockpot. Pray for her, will you.

A People Without Vision, Perish

While catching up with CJ, we were reflecting on a long term goal we share - to start our own school.

She was discussing the fact that her current working locale seems to be very comfortable with mediocre. Theirs is a lack of desire to do better, to have expectations, to aspire for something better.

I think that the lack of motivation is far more pervasive than we like to admit. I never cease to find myself amazed at the fact that people are violently opposed to those with vision and motivation. It makes me admire the verbal aspirations of our 44th President. I pray that he has the opportunity and strength to lead us all toward a higher goal.

Which leads me to a confession, I am a collector of political media. Particularly newspapers and video feeds. I also collect the classic political memorabilia, but I really love video footage. I know, it only adds to my nerdy mystique.

As I tape the inauguration of Barack Obama today, it is my deepest prayer that their is a renewed vision for the citizens of America. And, that we aspire and work toward the greatness that we are all capable of, individually and collectively.

I believe, that despite our problems, Americans have much to offer each other and the world.

Let's make sure we have clear vision.

A vision of us working together for the betterment of all.

Mary Poppins Was a Hot Single Chick

Went to the gym this evening to pick up a few cardio moments and ran into GF Christina. We had a great chance to catch up. She blows me away with the fact that she always tells me how lucky I am to be single. I don't see myself as unucky, but I am not really sure how a married woman with two kids thinks I have it better than she does.

I'll be honest. I am not sure how to take this. I think she is lucky to have a good husband and two adorable kids.

Her husband shovels the driveway, eats her dinners, and her kids are so stinkin' smart.

I have no one to shovel the driveway, eat my dinners, and no stinkin' smart kids.

But, I, like Mary Poppins, can do what I want when I want. Not to mention the fact that I can wear wacky clothes and tell people I am artistic. I am not that good with an umbrella, nor am I one for making up witty, nonsense songs.

But, Mary Poppins always leaves me with questions.

Like, was Mary secretly dating Mr. Banks? What's the deal with Julie Andrews playing the single chick who is too nice and only cares for the kids?

I do worry about her chum Bret, what made him never put the moves on Mary? Was he not interested or was something wrong with Mary? These are the questions that I grapple with.

But hey, I guess we do have the single-chick thing in common.

Oh, if life were like a movie!

Rage Against the Machine

When I was in late junior high and early high school, the band RATM got regular radio play. I found their music speaking to my inner angry adolescent. They were rebels, activists, warriors fighting for the underdog.

Or at least that's how I idolized them.

I think the band's name speaks more to me today than any of their lyrics ever have. It seems like we all spend a lot of time raging against each other, our financial situation, our social issues, etc. It makes me wonder if raging all the time is really worth it.

Don't get me wrong, a little rage can make things move. And, sometimes, I think an orchestrated effort for handling or taking down the obstacle in front of you is necessary. We can't all win the lottery, because someone has to work. We have to take time to plan a strategy, because prince charming is not delivering pizza. No one becomes a CEO overnight.

The irony for me is that when I feel setback, hurt or disappointment, my natural urge is to rage aginst whatever appears to be stopping, preventing or wasting my energy. The only thing that overtakes you completely is what you willingly surrender to. Perhaps I have spent too much time believing that the right choices and the right path are paved roads. Maybe Frost is more accurate - the path is covered with undergrowth.

It makes me wonder if Frost had ever listened to RATM, would his poem include a machete reference?

Authorized Biography

I spent most of the day cleaning out my past. And, I discovered a few things...

One, I think the 7th grade girl who wrote her "Authorized Biography" for a class project was more brave than I am.

She knew that people made mistakes, and that it was important to forgive them and herself. I am not quite sure where she lost sight of that ideal. She believed in accomplishment through motivation. Sadly, the idealism of success and the optimistic bravery to work toward it can get lost in the shuffle.

I also think that the girl who collected art, photography and fashion magazines should havee paid more interest to her interests than to just getting a job.

Sometimes, I find myself completely lost and questioning my path. I wonder what in the world I am doing and where in the world I am headed. Maybe if I would have listened to some of those passionate interests from adolescence, I wouldn't feel so lost.

Call it misplaced expectation, or living someone else's dream, but I don't regret living in my good box of life. The only thing I regret is forgoing the great and the best for just good.

My paperwork purging therapy is something I do every year. And, I do believe that it is helpful to glance over your shoulder periodically. But this year is a little different. I turn 30 in a few weeks, and it's important to start a new decade with a clean slate.

In that vein, I have a few things planned. Maybe I can rewrite that "Authorized Biography" after all.

I think that when I question whether or not I have ever made a difference, I should read through the box of cards and letters I found today.

My, my it's been a long time...

I can't remeber my last post. And for what it's worth, it was like a year ago... anyway.

In the last two weeks, we have celebrated the new year, I have suffered with the flu, and run into some old friends.

I really should have paid attention to that last part.

I always have circles of old friends that I "run" into right before a big change in my life.

I am not sure what that change may be - but I can definitely deal with a few positive changes.

For starters, I have exactly 26 days until I turn 30. And, it's a little emotional for me.

But, I always find comfort here....

Talk to you soon!

Abby